My story in a nutshell, from sexually-deprived to gone wild!
Between Sept 2005 and April 2020 I was with a man who never understood what I needed. I was married for a large part of that period, and sex dwindled very rapidly. After just a couple of years we were down to having sex maybe once a month, this gradually became every 2 months, every 6 months and non-existent.
I was the one who lacked sex-drive. I was avoiding it. I know it seems crazy right? The woman who typically has sex 8-12 times a week, barely had sex for 15 years. Well it's true.
It's not that I wasn't attracted to him, it's just I found the sex uninteresting, and favoured using my rabbit vibrator alone instead.
What I yearned for was to be taken there and then, bent over while cooking, against the wall for a quick one, ravished and used. This is how I wanted it. Dirty, rough, intense. I had no interest in the usual gentle approach in bed just before bedtime, when I was usually too tired to want to bother anyway, and would rather get that extra bit of sleep.
It took me a while to understand myself. At first I blamed myself for watching GB porn, not being normal, and failing at being a good normal wife offering sweet normal vanilla sex (vanilla is a term I learnt this year). But I couldn't. I tried to explain to him about my desires a little, but I was quite shy about it, and dominant he wasn't, and that was that.
And then you just get on with life, accept the situation, and avoid thinking about it.
Inevitably the relationship went tits up after 15 years. When we finally split up, my years of repressed desires, need for cuddles and rough sex came out, and I just exploded in a world of joy. I met many people, realised there was nothing wrong with me, met like-minded kinky people, and this was a revelation.
From a young age, society indirectly shapes our mind in a certain way, and we learn to repress desires. It may be different for the new generation with the internet nowadays, but I'm 36 and I was still sort of the pre-internet generation.
If I had known it was ok to have those desires of wanting to be ultra submissive and slutty, I would have probably pushed discussions further with him, but I didn't know. I thought there was something wrong with me, fantasies were not to be lived, and I should stop being stupid. At times I also thought maybe it was because I was French and he was British, but looking back I can confirm that wasn't the issue. There are kinky people all around the world.
Also, I was 20 went we got together, and didn't yet have those desires. They grew over the years, and it's very difficult to talk about certain desires further down the line into a relationship. One worries about upsetting the other...
So yeah I was sexually deprived for 15 years and have been playing catching up in 2020! (like big time, with friends, through escorting and creating adult content!!)